Where can I go when the constraints,
When there are constraints
But no space for constraints,
Make me want to
Run away
To anything
Anyone, any
Possibility
Of braving
The scariest leap I feel upon me
To take into
A universe not understood?
Does it matter that I am old, a
Pilgrim cleaving to
Ancient messages from
Rivers and plains
Where understandings
Grew and bloomed
Before age helped me
In my stubborn recalcitrance
Find my way
Into mystery
Now become comfort
In the maelstrom?
I can’t go anywhere for a day,
Day or two
Unclear,
The whims of February
But in this momentary stasis
I am flying on an aeroplane
With that strange relief of perspective
Knowing that all is out of my control
I begin my telling because this is a
Terrifying beautiful beauty here,
Everywhere
In ice, these days of grey then
Flour-sifting snow, then rain,
Graupel,
Sleet and
Patterning ice
Mind you when I tell you this is new
The plains woman’s wiring, mine, telling
This is weather that is new.
And we are deep in ice, then snow
To ice that melts a bit, freezes, and then snow,
And on.
Denny came down to drag Peter’s truck
Spun out on ice
Taking hay to the goat barn
Back to a spot unblocking the long drive
Toward the other barns and
All feels settled for the moment.
Everywhere there is nothing
But rolling sheen, bluing into dark,
Our land of ice pure and pristine right now
In the deep out there
My head beginning to clear
In the heart
Though I’ve no idea
What lies on the horizon.
Responsorial
Listen to yourself, dear,
She’d say,
Holding my hand,
Winds whipping whisps about
In our hair
As I was leaving,
Always leaving in the heat blowing
The dry sultries that settled like
Barely breathing mantles we shouldered in
Those Great Plains summers
She always said that to me.
I want what I want.
Look at yourself, I say to him, recalling
Timeless words, wisdoms shared,
Becoming braver in the recall, and saying
What I want with you
More stability
More understanding
More space
I want all that
And I want to love you in
The ways of love.
And also
But also,
And I also
Want all that
That I have and will never
Not want anymore,
And flying above and under the
Beyond, the past and future,
I say to him, I will never crave more of
The precious than what we have.
Coda
There were years before she saw
That river again
Though she crossed too many to
Remember
Save
The Little Huerfano, an
Unchained melody
